If you’ve been on Earth for longer than three days, then you already know one thing: people love giving advice. Pastors, therapists, friends, family, coworkers, strangers online, your barber, your neighbor’s cousin — everyone has something to say.
And listen, I’m not better. I hand out advice like free samples at Costco.
It’s just how I’m wired.
But here is the truth — the real truth:
You should not take anyone’s advice until you do one important thing first.
And honestly, most people skip this step completely.
Let me explain why this matters — not in theory, but in lived experience — so you can understand whether the advice you’re receiving is truly for you… or whether you’re about to outsource your destiny to someone who barely understands their own life.
The Problem With Advice (Even the “Good” Kind)
If you’re anything like me, you love learning. I read philosophy, psychology, self-help, audiobooks, ancient texts, YouTube lectures, and TikToks from people who call themselves “energetic alignment coaches.” I’ve heard everything from Harvard professors to barefoot experts explaining life’s meaning.
And I used to think:
If I collect enough advice, one piece will finally crack the code for me.
But here’s the plot twist:
None of that advice works if you don’t already know what you want.
You can consume an entire library, watch every TED Talk, listen to pastors, therapists, prophets, and all the “my friend said…” consultants — and still end up completely off-path if you haven’t consulted the most important advisor you have:
Yourself.
And yes, I know that sounds cliché. But stay with me.
The Moment Life Slapped Me With the Truth
After a life-changing revelation — the kind that flips your world upside down like a table at a family reunion — I spent months asking myself:
“How did I miss this? The signs were right there.”
I always considered myself intuitive. Hyper-aware. But as a child, introspection didn’t carry weight. In my culture, children didn’t have opinions. You listened, obeyed, and accepted that adults knew better.
So when something felt off years ago, I sensed it — but doubted myself. I thought:
“Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“Maybe I’m imagining it.”
“Maybe I should get a second opinion.”
So I went to someone older, wiser (or so I believed), and trusted. Their advice guided me. My intuition stepped aside.
Years later, things came into sharper focus, and I realized my inner knowing had been right all along. Ignoring it had taken me down a detour that reshaped my life.
And let’s be honest — that wasn’t the only time I made decisions based on advice. Some turned out beautifully. Others… not so much.
So what made the difference?
Not the situation., the adviser, nor the timing.
What made the difference was whether I already knew what I wanted before the advice came in.
When Advice Supported My Truth — and When It Didn’t
I noticed a clear pattern:
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Whenever the advice worked, it was because I already had inner clarity — and the advice simply helped refine my path.
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Whenever the advice failed, it was because I wanted someone else to validate, override, or define what I was too afraid to admit.
These three moments in my life made it crystal clear.
Three Real-Life Moments That Taught Me the Truth About Advice
1. When I Followed My Inner Knowing Without Asking Anyone
One of the strongest examples came early: my career choice.
I left my sociology of organizations class feeling lit up inside. HR and organizational development felt right — before I even understood the industry. I didn’t seek advice or hold committee meetings about my future.
I simply followed the alignment I felt.
That clarity became one of the best decisions of my life.
Pure inner knowing. Zero external influence.
2. When I Knew What I Wanted and Used Advice Strategically
Fast forward to when I wanted to study abroad for my MBA.
Many people close to me told me the school was too expensive and the dream was too ambitious. And honestly? They weren’t wrong. I had very young children at the time, and the numbers did not support this dream. The logistics looked impossible.
But something inside me insisted the MBA was right.
So I didn’t fold. I went searching for possibilities.
When I attended an admissions event for a different school, I asked an admissions consultant, “How can someone like me afford this?” He offered scholarship strategies I hadn’t considered.
I applied. Received a scholarship. Sweated through the process.
And earned my degree — at the school I originally wanted.
The advice didn’t change my path.
It sharpened it.
Because the inner knowing was already there.
3. When I Ignored My Inner Knowing and Let Fear Choose for Me
But relationships have been where the deeper lessons lived.
There were relationships I encountered where I knew something wasn’t right — but I didn’t want to face what that knowing required of me.
Advice came easily then. Well-meaning voices. Cultural expectations. Opinions shaped by fear, tradition, and other people’s thresholds for discomfort. None of them were living my life, but many felt confident explaining how I should endure it.
I wasn’t confused about the toll it was taking on me. What I lacked wasn’t awareness — it was courage. I avoided sitting with myself because I already knew what my body and spirit would say, and I wasn’t ready to accept the consequences that truth would bring.
So instead of listening inward, I deferred outward. I let the loudest voices carry the decision, hoping clarity would arrive later.
It didn’t.
What arrived was a lesson that came far later than it needed to.
And that became the clearest contrast of all:
When a decision is rooted in inner knowing, advice can support it.
When a decision is rooted in fear, advice will distort it.
That’s when I understood something I wish I had learned earlier:
Advice is only wise when your inner truth is already speaking.
Why Your Story Is Not Like Anyone Else’s
Someone once told me, “There’s nothing happening in life that hasn’t happened before.”
And that’s true — but also incomplete.
Yes, the themes are universal.
Heartbreak is universal.
Love is universal.
Confusion, fear, betrayal, disappointment are also universal.
But the experience is deeply personal.
A divorce in my life is a good example. On paper, many people experience similar turning points. But the texture of any life event — the cultural context, emotional weight, timing, and internal reckoning — is always unique to the person living it.
Your life works the same way.
When people give advice based solely on their own experiences, they often forget that:
- their lessons
- their wounds
- their fears
- their beliefs
- their upbringing
- their personality
- their environment
- their timing
…are not yours.
So yes, you can learn from other people’s stories.
You should listen for perspective.
But you cannot copy-paste their decisions into your life.
Life is not a template.
Your path is not a duplicate.
Your knowing is not mass-produced.
Your story deserves decisions shaped by your truth — not someone else’s history.
What Happens When You Take Advice Without Checking With Yourself First
You risk:
- living someone else’s dream
- following a path that doesn’t fit
- delaying your destiny
- starting projects that drain you
- committing to relationships that aren’t aligned
- staying in situations long after your inner voice has checked out
- choosing the wrong job
- investing in the wrong business
- listening to people who barely understand themselves, let alone you
Like the snail farmer I once met — a whole PhD in political science, yet his soul wanted to farm snails. He followed his parents’ dream. Middle age arrived before his own dream even got a chance.
He told me he wished he had listened to himself sooner.
The advice wasn’t wrong — it was wrong for him.
Why Your Intuition Is Usually Right
Your intuition is not random. It’s not guesswork. It’s not “just a feeling.”
It’s your mind, body, spirit, and lived experience working together in the background — faster and quieter than you can. And driving all of that is the spirit, the deeper part of us that recognizes truth and nudges us gently because it sees what your physical eyes can’t.
So, when something is wrong, your body feels it before our mind explains it:
- your stomach tightens
- your breathing shifts
- your energy pulls back
- something feels “off”
And when something is right?
- your body relaxes
- your mind quiets
- your spirit opens
- you feel grounded or at peace
That’s intuition.
It’s the version of us that sees the truth long before your logic catches up.
And the biggest mistakes we make often come from ignoring it — usually because someone else’s voice is louder, or fear convinces us to override what we already know.
Intuition Is Real Guidance — But Only If You Listen
We always receive intuitive messages even when we are not listening — through dreams, repeated thoughts, subtle signs, even that one YouTube video that shows up at the perfect moment. People think algorithms read their minds.
But the real question is:
Why did that video resonate?
Why did you click that message out of millions?
Why did that quote feel like someone read your diary?
Because something inside you was already looking for it.
Your intuition isn’t quiet.
Your intuition isn’t dramatic.
It’s consistent.
It whispers the same message over and over until you’re ready to hear it.
And when you finally listen?
Your life shifts into alignment.
So When Should We Seek Advice?
Only after we’ve asked ourselves:
- What do I want?
- Why do I want it?
- Does this desire truly belong to me?
- Does it align with my bigger vision?
- When I imagine this path, does my body feel calm or tense?
Advice is powerful when it’s clarifying.
Dangerous when it’s directing.
Useless when you’re confused about what you want.
And if you doubt your inner knowing, you may choose the wrong people to advise you.
The Self-Trust Checklist
Before asking for advice, ask yourself:
- Have I identified what I want?
- Does this desire feel like mine — not someone else’s expectation?
- What does my body feel when I imagine this path?
- Am I seeking clarity, or am I seeking permission?
- If no one could advise me at all, what would I choose?
If you can answer these questions, you’re ready for advice.
If you can’t, pause and return inward. Do this:
Mini Coaching Exercise to Check Alignment
Step 1: Choose a path. Any path.
Let’s say you’re deciding between A and B. Pick A first.
Step 2: Sit with it. Don’t rush.
Imagine yourself walking that path — the consequences, the lifestyle, the effort.
Step 3: Notice your body’s reaction.
Do you feel calm, clear, relieved, expanded…
or tense, anxious, heavy?
Your body knows before your brain catches up.
Step 4: Repeat with option B.
One path will feel aligned — even if it’s challenging.
Step 5: Once you know, then seek advice.
But this time, the advice will function like seasoning.
Not the whole meal.
Fear creates noise.
Intuition creates calm.
Life Aligns the Moment You Do
When you choose your truth, everything starts supporting you:
- the right people appear
- the right information finds you
- opportunities show up
- clarity increases
- confusion evaporates
- fear becomes manageable
Even this blog post may be a sign. You didn’t find it by accident.
Here’s My Real Advice About Advice
Before you pick up the phone, schedule that session, or ask someone what they think:
Sit with yourself first.
Reflect. Meditate. Pray. Journal.
Be brutally honest.
Ask yourself gently:
“What do I want?”
Not what others expect.
Not what fear prefers.
Not what culture demands.
Not what guilt dictates.
Just…
What do I want?
Your answer may whisper.
It may come as peace, a memory, or a quiet conviction.
Whatever it is — trust it.
Because the biggest breakthroughs in life don’t come from others.
They come from you.
Everything else is commentary.
If You Take Nothing Else From This Post, Take This:
The best advisor you will ever have is the version of yourself who knows what she wants — before anyone else speaks.
Start there.
The rest will follow.
💛 Call to Action
If this message resonated with you, share it with another woman who needs to hear that her inner voice is enough.
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