Relationships—are they the ultimate source of strength or the greatest trap we willingly walk into? For many women, they start as lifelines, promising partnership, security, and love. But sometimes, they morph into something darker, leaving us tangled in a web of power imbalances and emotional devastation.
Take the recent custody battle between Grimes and Elon Musk. Grimes, a mother of three of Musk’s children, shared on social media how the drawn-out legal fight disrupted her creativity and nearly bankrupted her. It’s a story that should have sparked public outrage, but instead, it was brushed off. Why? Maybe because society sees her as a wealthy woman with “first-world problems.”
But beneath the dismissive headlines lies a harsh reality: a billionaire using his wealth and influence against a woman fighting for the right to see her children. While Grimes’s case is high-profile, it reflects the quiet, everyday battles women face in relationships gone awry.
When a woman partnered with the richest man in the world is devastated financially by their alliance, do regular women even have a chance?
When Lifelines Become Traps
Every day, women—especially mothers—face financial hardship, emotional turmoil, and social isolation after divorce or separation. Studies show about one in five women fall into poverty post-divorce. Why? Career interruptions for childcare, unequal asset division, and lower earning potential are just a few of the culprits. .
We often celebrate the women who rise above—like Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, whose partnerships catapulted them into prominence.But for every success story, countless women experience the other side of the spectrum: relationships that begin as lifelines but end as traps, leaving them to pick up the shattered pieces of their lives.
It’s easy to believe that a strong career or financial independence can offer protection, but that’s rarely the case.
Even wealthy women like Grimes have faced financial devastation, nearly bankrupt after a lengthy custody battle, proving that wealth alone can’t shield women from the fallout of a broken relationship.
In Grimes’s case, some might argue that marriage could have offered financial protection—I disagree. Divorce isn’t just a legal process; it’s a battlefield. And for many women, it’s a fight they lose.
My Story: From Hope to Heartache
I get it. Stories like Grimes’s can seem distant—until they become your own.
I didn’t start out as one of “those women.” I was hopeful, determined to make my marriage work. I had thought having a solid career and bank account would put me in a strong, respectable position before and during the marriage. But years of emotional turmoil and mental crisis resulting from the instability of the relationship took their toll.
The burdens of parenthood left me unemployed and on the financial fringes many times. When I finally sought divorce, the battle that followed drained me of nearly everything—money, energy, even hope.
Juggling motherhood, unemployment, and caring for an ailing parent, I watched my health deteriorate. I lost weight, hair, and the will to keep fighting.
My ex-husband used the legal system as a weapon, filing endless motions and appeals designed to stall and prolong the process, akin to punishing me for leaving. Pleas for co-parenting fell on deaf ears. The court, slow and indifferent, became another source of anguish.
Our children, caught in the crossfire, became collateral damage in a war they never asked to fight. Still, every day was a grueling marathon: school drop-offs, job hunting, emergency room visits, and endless nights of worry.
Exhaustion clung to me like a second skin. The financial strain left me questioning how much longer I could endure.
The Silent Epidemic of Post-Relationship Oppression
Here’s the uncomfortable truth
We talk endlessly about women’s empowerment through diversity initiatives, laws, and programs against violence. But what about the quieter forms of oppression? The systemic inequalities embedded in custody battles and divorce proceedings.
Research highlights this imbalance.
While men often experience temporary financial strain post-divorce, women face chronic struggles: loss of household income, increased risk of poverty, single parenting.
A study covering over 600 million individuals from various datasets, including a significant number from the United States, found that these struggles are associated with a 30% increased risk of mortality, especially in women.
These aren’t just personal tragedies—they’re societal failures.
Why Women Stay—and Why They Shouldn’t
Many women, faced with this reality, choose to stay in oppressive relationships. The aftermath of leaving feels insurmountable. Countless studies have established the consequences of divorce, seeking to drill fear into women to stay in abusive relationships.
But here’s the truth: staying may feel easier in the short term, but it often comes at the expense of your soul.
This is because the damage from intimate partner abuse outlives its own timeline. It sucks up all of the wonderful, positive characteristics of one’s true nature and replaces them with false truths and negative images. It hijacks personal power and a sense of self.
Separation, though terrifying, offers something vital: space and hope. Space to heal, rebuild, and rediscover yourself. And hope, which opens the heart to change and begin to really live for the future.
With the right support, you can create a life outside the wreckage—a better life.
I’ll never forget what my therapist told me one day when I admitted I felt like I was dying.
She asked, “If you were in a car crash, what would you do?”
“Protect myself,” I said.
“Exactly,” she replied. “You wouldn’t try to fix the car; you’d try to get out alive. Now apply that to your life.”
Her words were a revelation.
Letting go of the wreckage wasn’t easy, but clinging to it would’ve destroyed me.
Navigating the Maze of Divorce
Unfortunately, “getting out alive” often means navigating a system stacked against you. Lawyers are expensive, and the process can feel endless. But there are ways to protect and advocate for yourself:
- Choose your partner wisely: Ensure the relationship aligns with your needs. Communicate your expectations clearly, seek personal therapy if uncertain, and secure a prenup or partnership agreement to protect your interests.
- Develop a marketable skill: If you are a sole caregiver, this will help you access flexible career opportunities and stable income. It can also support financial recovery and stability during or after a separation.
- Educate yourself on the court process: This is especially important to making informed decisions during divorce or custody battles. Stay actively involved in your case and hold your lawyer accountable. I hired an affordable divorce lawyer who added some accountability, but I took charge by learning the process, staying persistent, and keeping my lawyer on track.
- Seek affordable legal aid: Many organizations offer pro bono services or low-cost representation. Research what’s available in your area.
- Join support networks: Online communities, like Facebook’s custody battle support groups, can provide emotional guidance, legal tips, and local resources. Many of these groups offer safe spaces for parents to share experiences, and some even allow GoFundMe links to help raise funds for legal fees.
- Document everything: Keep meticulous records of interactions and evidence of financial or emotional abuse. This can be invaluable in contested custody cases.
- Find a therapist: Therapy can provide a safe space to process your emotions, regain strength, and develop coping strategies.
- Stay the course, stay strong, and remember—you’re not alone in this battle.
A better, more vibrant life is possible
Building a Better Future for Women
Grimes’s story—and mine—are not unique. They are part of a broader pattern of systemic inequality. By dismissing these struggles, society perpetuates a dangerous cycle, allowing women to slip into poverty and despair unchecked.
But we have the power to change this narrative. Advocate for systemic reforms.
Share posts like this. Donate to organizations supporting women in legal battles. Most importantly, listen to the women in your life who might be quietly struggling.
A Call to Action
If you’re in a relationship that feels more like a trap than a lifeline, protect yourself. Let go of the wreckage. It’s terrifying, but it’s also liberating.
And if you’ve been through it, share your story. Let’s start a conversation. Let’s rewrite the endings for women everywhere.
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Because when we pay attention, we can start rewriting the endings.
